Ladies…this is what your husband is biblically commanded to do….no matter what anyone else promotes or condones. THIS. Any man who calls himself a Christian will do this. It is what Christians DO. If he does not, if he turns instead to other guys, groups, anyone else, he is living in willful disobedience. And no one who is of Christ makes a practice of sinning. Disobedience is as the sin of witchcraft….what kind of Christian practices witchcraft?? This would be man who wants to live in isolation, as a single man, and who probably uses those he talks with in a dishonest manner to shore up his own deceived heart in thinking he is somehow saved, and works hard to keep everyone from talking to one another, as what he says he does not want you to know about. Which means he is hiding his sin from you (very bad thing to be doing) as well as probably using you as an excuse for the obfuscated sins he will cop to. The safe ones. The ones he probably has been using as a crutch while “sincerely” wanting to rid himself of them. Bottom line…he is lying somewhere and using you as an excuse and a cover instead of taking full responsibility for his sin and to eradicate it. Awkward.
Now…ladies, if you are not adhering to this as well…and I realize it is not a safe thing to be doing with men who are sociopathic or who lie to cover their sin, or who have abandoned the marriage or who are choosing to live chronically single(as delineated above) …..but if God says it, we must do it regardless and leave the consequences to HIM to deal with. I doubt that any good will come of you sharing that your struggle is with your sin loving husband, so maybe stick to personal growth in Christ things. And if your husband is as mine is and too many times takes what you say about your struggles or your own insights and uses it for his own “insights” when he is talking to people who are not you but should be…(yes, honey…you)….let him. If he is so dull of mind and heart that he cannot see his own, again….God will deal with him in that one way or the other. Either now, or when he meets Him face to face. We cannot live playing the second guess game, it’s insane….so just LIVE, and live freely in Christ, doing as He says, and leaving everyone else to Him to deal justly with. He WILL reward all you know. Make sure yours is a crown. Your husband…that’s his problem to work out. Who knows, Maybe your husband will tell you he doesn’t want to know. If he’s a schmuck that is an easy thing to submit to, right? 😉
And if your husband or wife is a truly godly person, this probably is not for you except to remind you that your obedience of God’s word will be rewarded well. Keep on doing what you have been, obeying the word, being accountable to Him and to your spouse first, and growing in Christ-likeness and in closeness to the one God has given you to cherish and to help you grow. And know how blessed you truly are in that! God be praised!
“When you’ve sinned against your spouse, is it important to bring all that out into the open? Isn’t it enough that we were broken before God? Why take my husband/wife through all that pain?
What should you tell your wife (or your husband) about the struggle you’re having? Anything?
Faithfulness in marriage cuts both directions but for the Christian, the Bible lays the greater responsibility on the husband who is supposed to be leading his family as their spiritual head and loving his wife as Christ loved the Church, so that’s who’s under the limelight, here.
Like clockwork, at the annual men’s retreat the topic of lust will inevitably come up, along with strategies for taming the monster. Before long, the speaker is advocating“getting real” with your “accountability partners” – that group of a few guys to whom you tell all.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with getting together with your buddies and confessing which pigpen you’ve been wallowing around in. And it is a little uncomfortable to talk openly and pray with the guys for victory over the various ways you’ve been committing adultery.
Hey, wait a minute . . . I’m not an adulterer!
Really? According to whom?
Jesus said that merely looking at a woman with lust is committing adultery. So even if we’ve kept the sin discreetly inside our minds, looked at magazines when nobody’s looking, or erased the porn history on our computers, its adultery by God’s definition – you know, the one that matters.
Time to get the accountability group together . . . I can tell them but I definitely can’t tell my wife. It would really hurt her and I want to spare her the pain.
Every married man understands this logic. When we’ve sinned sexually against her, our wife is the last person on earth we want to talk to about it.
Question: Is it really because we want to spare her the pain or spare ourselves the shame?
There’s something too easy in telling only the guys – all of whom struggle or have struggled with sexual sin. There’s a safe comfort in the fellowship of failure. It’s a no-risk proposition. After all, you’re confessing your sin (against another person who isn’t present) to a group of guys who have pledged that no matter what you’ve done you will never be rejected and nothing, absolutely nothing, of what gets said will violate the gag-order you’ve all agreed to.
That’s not what Jesus did.
He became sin in front of the very person against whom the sins (our sins) were committed: God. And, Jesus bore the shame and the pain of God turning his face from him. He was physically tortured, bleeding, and shamed – hanging off nails, buck-naked for everyone to see.
My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?
Jesus didn’t hide from shame. Neither should we.
Your wife is the accountability partner God provided for you.
And, wives, your husband is the accountability partner God provided for you.
According to Him, the two of you are one single entity (the two shall become one) and your bodies belong to each other, made crystal clear by 1 Cor. 7:4.
A lot can happen when we don’t hide our sin from our wife – when we confess and ask for forgiveness. She will be hurt. She might even reject you. Sin brings shame, pain, and consequences.
But, there’s something that happens when we’ve borne the shame of our sin before our wife. What once had a hammerlock on our conscience begins to lose its grip.
Confess to your wife and drag Sin, kicking and screaming, into the light where you can get a good look at what a powerless wimp it really is.
I can’t believe I gave into to that!
You did, but you didn’t have to. For the Christian, sin has no power except the power we give it – Romans 6:12.(Click Here to read about how sin’s power in your life has been broken)
So, step into the light with your real accountability partner. Tell her (or him!) you don’t want to just say you are one but to live that way from now on.
Circumstances will vary and applying this principle will not look the same in every marriage but for most, this is how God would have men and women deal with the sin they’ve committed against each other – even the most shameful kind.
When we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from all sin. 1 John 1:7
God bless you as you walk in the true oneness of unity.