Letter to an Abuser
18 Sunday Jan 2015
Posted Abusers passive and agressive, Condemned to Hell, Damned, Dead to truth, Deception, Demonic, End of Days, False Conversion, Heart contents, Idols of death, Liars, Lust for power, man's depravity, No Fruit, Powerless Spirituality, Pride, Religious Non-Regeneration, Sin, Teaching, True nature, Truth, Unchanging Word of God, Undeniable Truth, Watchman, Wide Gate to Hell, Your sin is killing youin
Death, Disobedience, eternity, Lies, Only Son of God, Sin, Truth, Word of God
I thought to let this subject settle for a bit until I got a message from a dear sister who wrote this and shared it with me. If people do not understand through her words, they never will…and those within the church NEED to understand…they are not dealing with a “normal” man…to treat these men like bad little sheep who have simply gone astray and can be brought back through the usual means….which is in reality, cowtowing to their manipulations and need for power and attention, is crazy. And the Church does more to help these men abuse and continue to than anyone else. And that has got to stop. Treating them like they are saved when they are not, biblically and objectively shown through the word, is insane! And as they do that, they help the monster grow comfortable and even more self congratulatory and smug in their sin and ability to abuse those in their lives…mainly their wives.
Those who do this kind of thing, even naively in thinking they are somehow “helping” actually only help and assist these men in living like Satan in the flesh, while continuing to look “good” to those who are, in reality, either too complacent to see evil and call it what it is and stop it, or too naive. While the real victim knows full well what is going on, but no one will see it. And in doing that they also help a perversely unsaved man run headlong down the wide road to Hell with absolutely no “stops” to slow him down. In essence, helping him in his utter destruction all the way around, in the end eternally damned. These men are utterly depraved, so in that they have a teeny bit of excuse, they are simply acting as they truly are, but the Church has NO excuse. Shame on the Church!~AGM†
(Names have been filtered for privacy reasons)
Friday, March 26, 2010
In the midst of a cold, grief – another attack from Satan causing me to miss you, I have come to grips with the fact that I have to divorce you. Because there is a curse in living like this. You see, I am not the kind of person who tends to do things half way. I am not luke warm in love!!!!! And I do not want to deceive myself any longer missing what was only an illusion, a lie! You cannot love a person for what he claims to be. But you can love and respect him when he acts it out. And finally, you left by your own choice, and I will not be here for you to think you have a back door to use if everything else fails.
I have talked about your double mindedness. It’s real. And you still carry it out, don’t you? Still saying you live in Hvidovre on your Skype. Having two addresses on FB. You have talked to me about walking in Faith, and you have manipulated me into thinking that I didn’t have faith enough, that’s how you persuaded me into moving back with you before I was actually ready. But I did it, even if I felt something was not right about it. Actually, all I had was faith!!!!! But who is not walking in faith now? Aren’t you convinced that you are doing the right thing? Why do you need to belong in two places???
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Prov 3:5-6
Why are you not trusting and having faith? You who have all the head knowledge. It tells me, that the distance between the brain and the heart can be the longest in the body.
Who are you to teach me about trust and faith? In Danish we have a saying: A fox always have at least two exits. That fox is you! Always trying to guard and secure yourself.
Everything you do and have done has been for your own gain. When you state that “You had high hopes for the 5 of us, that hope would be for all of us to just do what you ordered, to obey you! Families don’t work that way, Pa**
You said you are sorry we weren’t compatible. We were, dear. Very much so. If you had only had the guts to face yourself. To be compatible, is in your oppinion for others to be able to do everything YOUR way, to fully and whole live for you and your needs.
All the things you told me about marriage in Christ, husband and wife relationships, I cherished as being the most beautiful I had ever heard. You made a liar out of yourself.
Already from the beginning of our relationship I felt your lack of commitment. You wouldn’t have us celebrate our wedding, it was to take part in secrecy, you didn’t want to wear a ring with me (and don’t give me any crab about it being a sin, you have been more than willing to sin in other regards). You have been a coward all the way, scared of risking, scared of getting involved, scared of showing feelings. You showed every sign of a hurt person not trusting God. Your fear of losing dominated our marriage, and it still dominates your entire life. So how is it that you operate? Let me tell you: You set the stage and then you act out a role. And in the beginning you do well. Because you do have the knowledge about how things SHOULD be done. But you see, it’s doomed to fail, because it is not possible to keep acting when your heart is not in it. So you have cheated for as long as you could. Because you hate being alone you play the game as long as you can (within a timeframe of…say, 2 ½ years!), but you leave your heart out because it is too vulnerable. And this is what you have done always. Coward! Nothing you have ever said to me could I ever trust. Never did you risk loving me, or anyone else for that matter. This is how little of the love of Jesus Christ you have in you. And I felt it! And why did I accept it for so long? There is only one answer to that: because I dared loving you! And I was so much in love with you that I was willing to risk it all. More than once did I risk it all. And I dragged my kids along with me, and I was about to risk it all even more, wasn’t I? At least I will stand by it. I really, really loved you, P**. More than you will ever understand. But I realize now that it was “casting pearls for swine” (Matthew 7:6). You never deserved the kind of love I had for you. Like the gambler you are, you gamble, but it’s the life of others that’s at stake. So you stand behind the scene, you accuser full of blame towards others – getting off the hook, careless and carefree. You march on in life, leaving behind you on the battlefield hurt and scarred people. And the only way you can justify this behavior to yourself is by creating the truth as you can accept it. And that truth is: it’s everybody else’s fault! And you? You numb and sedate your heart, and with it your conscience.
You tried to make me believe that our marriage was the first Christian marriage you had. But you see, I don’t think I believe that either. I think you said that to G****, too. You were in Drejervej, so of course you tried to have a Christian marriage. See this is where again you choose to lie to yourself. Since it didn’t work out, it probably wasn’t blessed by God, right? So afterwards, when it failed, you just tell yourself that it wasn’t a Christian marriage. And you know what? That’s most likely what you will say again about our marriage, too. It was never blessed. I can hear your voice uttering the words. And then, when you move on with wife no 5, you will tell her that that will be your first Christian marriage and therefore none of the previous ones should even be considered. And you will pretend that you’re ashamed of all your marriages, but then again it wasn’t really your fault that they went wrong. Your answer will be, that all your previous wives couldn’t handle being Christians! BUT I DO NOT BUY YOUR LIES! I know what I am:
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Prov 31:30
And know one thing: YOU WILL ALWAYS FAIL UNTIL YOU CAN FACE YOUR OWN INADEQUACY!
There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. Prov 14:12
Your pride is what get’s in the way all the time isn’t it? You see it as defeat if you should ever admit to weaknesses or flaws. You need to be respected and admired the whole time in order to feel happy. And you will manipulate until you get what you want. And if one woman doesn’t give it to you, you simply move on to the next (S*****?) Maybe you will get better and better at picking them? (Ha-ha). She looks like a real “sweetie”. How low will you have to sink? But you can be pretty sure that this little “auntie” would never expect to be able to get a man like you, so maybe you’re lucky this time. And luck is what you’ll need when you don’t trust in The Lord. But will you be satisfied? I think NOT! No, you are prostituting yourself! That is what you are doing. You sell yourself in return for a little admiration.
But what I do not understand is your need to operate here in my town, i.e. your old town. All your kids are not here anymore. There is nothing for you here!!
Well, I will end this letter with some good advice from a strong Christian woman who can no longer participate in any kind of lies or hypocrisy. You always said, and you used to protect yourself again, feelings are deceitful and shouldn’t be trusted. Well, let me ask you this: Why do you think God created us with feelings? Think about it. Yes, they can be deceitful, right! And yes, you should not make important decisions in your life solely based on them , no! But:
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Philippians 4:8
You cannot acknowledge these things unless you feel them. God wants you to feel things. How can you ever identify with and understand your neighbor’s needs, happiness, pain or grief. How can you ever share joy? How can you ever partake in Jesus’ suffering as He wants you to? Don’t you think that Jesus felt things? I can tell you that if He didn’t, all the shame, guilt and pain He took upon Himself for us wouldn’t be such a big sacrifice for Him, would it? Jesus understands our feelings when we’re sad, and He weeps with us!
Grieving is important because it provokes you to cry out to God, and thereby open yourself to His healing (Psalm 34:17). He is ultimately the One who can give you comfort and protection (Psalm 61:3; Matthew 5:4). When you grieve, you face the truth that you have been deeply hurt and there is something lacking. There is a hole in your hearts that hurts terribly. Again, it is unhealthy to numb your heart! Mine isn’t numb, because I feel the pain. I allow myself to feel it. And you know what? Jesus becomes so close, and I can really feel Him as the greatest friend and comforter. Praise Him!
Back to trust and faith: give it all to God, all your pain and sufferings, all the rejection you met from your own parents (and consequently also from other people in your life. It will continue if you do not trust in the Lord to take it from you). God needs us to acknowledge the things we want Him to heal in us. If we don’t, how can we give Him the Glory? It is not a shame to have suffered from rejection and pain. I did, but God HAS TAKEN IT FROM ME. It happened once we listened to a sermon on the radio and I broke into tears (one of the few times where you really comforted me by holding me close to you). But you have chosen to numb your heart in order to protect yourself. Instead of protection you get a heart that God cannot work with. You know God loves a broken heart, and He wants you to cry out for Him. He wants you to scream for Him in your agony, so He can heal you:
Psalm 34 (King James Version)
1I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth. 2My soul shall make her boast in the LORD: the humble shall hear thereof, and be glad. 3O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together. 4I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. 5Theylooked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed. 6This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. 7The angel of the LORD encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them. 8O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him. 9O fear the LORD, ye his saints: for there is no want to them that fear him. 10The young lions do lack, and suffer hunger: but they that seek the LORD shall not want any good thing. 11Come, ye children, hearken unto me: I will teach you the fear of the LORD. 12What man is he that desireth life, and loveth many days, that he may see good? 13Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile. 14Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it. 15The eyes of the LORD are upon the righteous, and his ears are open unto their cry. 16The face of the LORD is against them that do evil, to cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.17The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. 18The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. 19Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all. 20He keepeth all his bones: not one of them is broken. 21Evil shall slay the wicked: and they that hate the righteous shall be desolate. 22The LORD redeemeth the soul of his servants: and none of them that trust in him shall be desolate.
So stop trying to maintain a facade that makes everybody (including yourself) think you’re in control, when the truth is, you’re not. The only thing you achieve is keeping everybody (including God) at a distance, and all you will end up being is lonely and bitter. It is as if you think it is sadistic to deal with your pain, so you prefer to numb yourself. And it will work for a time, like peeing your pants to keep warm, but we all know what happens later on, right?
And do also remember:
But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant. Matthew 23:11
But you never wanted to serve in our marriage. You wanted to be served. Satisfied. Respected. Admired. Looked up to. If you felt you were ignored you got mad. “You wouldn’t roll over for anyone”, was how you phrased it. You called my kids ungodly. But what godly man were you not having the fruits of the Spirit to love and be patient, forbearing and longsuffering. You were the one that should have known better. You were the head, right? The godly head? What godly head would deliberately try to separate mother from children as you did? Do not deny it, because you did! I ask you again: were you godly? I think not! You felt threatened by my kids. You were like a envious child, NOT LIVING IN TRUST AND FAITH! Were all your threats with divorce every time we had an issue godly? I think not! Were all your addictions godly? Porn (I learned a new expression: PORN-AGAIN), alcohol, pills (YES! I think you were only addicted to them! Didn’t really need them!) Are you godly, stating that you can just stay married to me, but that that doesn’t stop you from having sex with other women? I think NOT!
Well, you’re not godly enough for me.
You failed, dear! It is now rightfully my remark to you. You failed for the 4th time, although that was what you feared from the very beginning of our relationship, (“I don’t want to mess it up this time”, were your own words).
I will no longer partake in the hypocrisy this marriage has become . You have been gone for almost 6 months now, and not even once have you come close to repentance. Not a single word of apology for all the hurt. I suffered verbal, emotional, spiritual and finally also physical abuse from you. Your testimony is sad.
My best wishes for you?
- © That you will keep going down.
- © Sink so deep that darkness will almost swallow you up so that you can hardly see. That fear, loneliness and pain will dominate your entire soul. That you will reach the bottom of the pit, being at the end of the rope.
- © That you can finally feel your hardened, stubborn heart; scream out for your Savior Jesus Christ from the top of your lungs.
- © That you will finally understand that without His love in your life, you’re lost!!!!
- © That He will save you once more and that you will truly be changed and become the man He wants you to be. Because now you’re NOT!
And maybe you should just read the whole chapter of Eph 5 to remind you what marriage is all about.
Please sign the papers. You deserve exposure (Eph 5:11). I haven’t yet turned you in to the police, but don’t come near. Not to no 46, not to no 75. As I said your kids are not here anymore. You do NOT need this town. Have faith!!!!! Right? In case you’re not sure, I know you are in the right place. And you know how I know? You have been removed from me, and God knows what He does! So lay off that double- mindedness that infects your whole life (James 1:8).
Happy 3rd anniversary!
March 26, 2010
Well said sister, well said. Amen. Now…off to life with Christ and eyes on Him….praying for all those sisters who are in a tough situation…God is faithful dear ones, He only allows what He needs to to accomplish what He wills in us, so we grow in Him and for His glory…it will all be okay. Thank Him IN all things and trust in Christ alone. He is our Bridegroom and Kinsman Redeemer. ❤