Reblogged from http://rodiagnusdei.wordpress.com/2013/02/28/you-forget-about-god-family-when-addicted-to-porn/
Truth. From hard experience I can tell you that if you are “addicted” to any form of sexual sin, be it porn, fantasy and the resulting physical playing out of it, voyeurism (watching people and then using those images for sexual fantasy), homosexual acting out, or anything in between…men, you are destroying trust, spitting on Grace, and obliterating the heart and the trust of the wife that God has given you. If you have to be forced into seeking accountability, repentance, counsel, etc…if you simply act as if it is all in the past with no change of fruit in your life, and expect your wife to just forget about it, if you think you can still do the same old things that were part and parcel to your sexual sin, but now it’s somehow different and “okay”…you are disingenuous and only trying to look good, not genuinely hating your sin and repenting, but merely plastering on Jesus over your willful disobedience and wickedness. If you are not deliberately, aggressively and determinedly doing what needs to be done to restore your marriage, build trust, and walk as a godly man…if you are determining FOR your wife what will do that, and not allowing HER to determine what she needs from you consistently to accomplish those things, then KNOW that as you continue to sin against her, first and foremost you sin against a righteous God who will never overlook it. It is my prayer that you genuinely repent and turn from your sexual sin, and surrender completely to Jesus Christ as LORD. For if you do not, then He is most certainly not your Savior. Just a deity to hide behind while you go about having your will, continuing to sin, and choosing to deny grace. Why, that is the road to hell….exactly what the father of lies who has you so bound up wants you to be taking. He hates to lose one in his sway. Think about it.
Please don’t miss the second post, below this one, titled: How Do You Counsel A Husband Who Has Revealed a Struggle with Pornography to His Wife? (Advice for pastors on an increasingly relevant topic)
Pornography is an unspoken word in most congregations, but this powerful addiction is permeating Christian households, and is destroying marriages and parent-child relationships.
To combat the addiction to pornography, Pastor Jay Dennis of First Baptist Church at the Mall in Lakeland, Fla., created his own program, “One Million Men Porn Free,” because he wasn’t able to find resource materials that he could use to defeat the devastating effects the lure of pornography had on members of his church.
“I led our church initially through this program in March and April of 2010,” said Dennis, who leads a congregation of 9,000 members. “I met with our men for six Wednesday evening sessions, with the last session being the commitment rally. I also met with our women for one session and our parents for one session. The women’s session was called ‘What Men Wish Their Wives Knew About Pornography.’ The parents’ session was titled ‘Protecting Your Child From Sexual Brokenness.’”
Dennis hopes the ”Join 1 Million Men” program will ultimately strengthen churches by helping pastors get the subject of pornography out in the open so they can work on rebuilding families and marriages.
“If the pastor is not addressing the issue, either he doesn’t feel it’s enough of a problem, or it’s too shameful to discuss in church,” said Dennis, who cites the biblical scriptures of Job 31:1, Psalm 119:37 and I Timothy 5:2 to illustrate the ways in which men should view and respect women.
Read more at http://www.christianpost.com/news/one-million-men-porn-free-pastor-you-forget-about-god-family-when-addicted-to-porn-90771/#cc7OQ2lz48I0RgjW.99
Brian Croft: How Do You Counsel A Husband
Who Has Revealed a Struggle with Pornography to His Wife?
Read this article in its entirety here- http://theaquilareport.com/how-do-you-counsel-a-husband
Every pastor already faces this. Unfortunately, I fear the problem will only become more common in the future; that is marriage counseling as a result of a husband’s struggle with pornogrpahy. The work to restore trust and intimacy within a marriage deeply affected by this sinful struggle is only possible through the gospel and applied most effectively within the local church; having said that, consider six practical ways that husband can reestablish trust and intimacy with his hurting wife:
1) Be patient towards your hurting wife.Men are known to deal with something, then move on. A wife, especially one sinned against by pornography will not move on so quickly.
2) Understand the seriousness of your sin against her. Sexual sin hurts a wife more deeply than most other sins against her. A husband needs to realize that the reasons this sin stings so much is that it seems to confirm almost every doubt and insecurity most women already battle within themselves. Understanding the seriousness of this sin and the pain it causes will help cultivate patience and prevent a reoccurrence of it.
3) Look to your wife to play an important role of accountability. It is easy to seek the accountability of another man when it comes to this struggle because, we say, “only another man knows what the battle is like.” Yet, you do not have to sleep next to that man every night. You do not have to look into his eyes knowing the hurt you caused. You do not have to be as patient and gracious with your buddy through this like you must with your wife. It may need to be in the context of regular counseling for a while, but convince him his wife will be a great asset to establish his new patterns and protection from falling again.
4) Consistently and creatively romance your wife. A husband should have already been pursuing his wife romantically as a regular practice. Now, he must understand this pattern must be established to restore his marriage.
5) Affirm your physical attraction to her. It should surprise no man that when he looks at other women in lustful ways, it will communicate a sharp message to his wife that he does not find her attractive. Most men would confess that is not what drove them to pornography, but it is inescapable that this is how a wife feels because of it. Encourage the man verbally to affirm his physical attraction to his wife. Then, he must back it up with his actions.
6) Realize the battle never ends this side of eternity. The gospel is powerful to free men from this bondage and to establish new patterns in their lives, but the fences of accountability must always remain.
- Porn This Way: The Devastating Effects of Lust (boldandunashamed.com)
- How Pornography Addiction Works and Affects Your Life(dilettantee.wordpress.com)
- Fake Love, Fake War: Why So Many Men Are Addicted to Internet Porn and Video Games (phenum01.wordpress.com)
- The Lies of Lust and porn (rodiagnusdei.wordpress.com)
- This Is What Happens When Kids Grow Up On Unlimited Access To Pornography (upworthy.com)
- Overcoming Pornography (exjezebel.wordpress.com)
- Iceland banning porn, Page 3 on the way out – the feminists are winning, thankfully (blogs.telegraph.co.uk)