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I Stand Before the Cross

I stand before the Cross and I profess a love for this Man, this One, Who has taken my place on it…

and I turn away…

and I go shopping and I buy a bikini…

I can justify it because it is so cute on me and anyway…

if a guy looks at me to lust, it is all his fault for not controlling himself…

and not my fault at all.

I go to church and I worship this holy God…

and I turn away…

and I go home and I turn on the television…

and I watch…

and as I do I fill my mind, my heart, my eyes with things that I would be ashamed to watch…

if Jesus were here…

but, He isn’t…

and I justify it, because it is a good show…

and, after all, God is a God of love and He just wants me to be happy.

kneel before my God and I pray…

Thy will be done…

and I get up…

and I go about doing my will…

with everyone that I meet…

in everything that I do…

not for a moment thinking…

that I am sinning.

I open up my Bible and I read about the wonders of God…

and my heart rejoices…

I read of His love, His mercy, His tenderness…

sometimes, I come to passage that shows more than that…

where His holy anger towards sinners is revealed,

and it makes me nervous, uncomfortable…

but, I turn the page,

and I read more about how very much God loves me,

and I read into it how much He longs for me to respond to Him,

and I think how cool it is that this God of the whole universe needs me…

me

and I determine to try to find something really nice to do for Him…

sometimes.

I reach out to my God in my need…

and I can’t find Him…

and I ask Him, “Where are You?”

but, He doesn’t answer me…

and, I don’t understand His silence…

I run towards where He was but find only darkness …

I seek Him out and I ask, ”Why have You abandoned me?”

“Where are You, God?”, I plead…

and it’s then that I realize…

that I am alone…

and He doesn’t seem to hear me…

at all.

And, in the echoing silence, suddenly I hear

a still small voice,

saying, “If you love Me, you will obey Me.”

And I fall on my face…

and I weep.

{Anna Wood}

I Stand Before the Cross.